~~~~~A female's definition of "eternity":ETERNITY (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
~~~~~"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996.
~~~~~"You guys line up alphabetically by height.""You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach.
~~~~~Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
~~~~~Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, of his coach, John Jenkins (1991): "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
~~~~~Darrell Royal, Texas football coach (1966) asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?"
~~~~~Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm (1991) had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
~~~~~Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote in 1996: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."
~~~~~Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former assistant at Arizona State and Ohio State, on his 11-year-old son's reaction after he took the job with the Boilermakers (1991): "He said, 'Gosh, Dad, that means we're not going to any more bowl games."
~~~~~LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of 14 children (1986): "They can't fire me because my family buys too many tickets."
~~~~~Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints General Manager, when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs (1986): "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."
~~~~~Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field! About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man said "No." Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!" The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967." "That's really sad," said Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?" "No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral!"
~~~~~"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996.
~~~~~"You guys line up alphabetically by height.""You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach.
~~~~~Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
~~~~~Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, of his coach, John Jenkins (1991): "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
~~~~~Darrell Royal, Texas football coach (1966) asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?"
~~~~~Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm (1991) had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
~~~~~Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote in 1996: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."
~~~~~Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former assistant at Arizona State and Ohio State, on his 11-year-old son's reaction after he took the job with the Boilermakers (1991): "He said, 'Gosh, Dad, that means we're not going to any more bowl games."
~~~~~LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of 14 children (1986): "They can't fire me because my family buys too many tickets."
~~~~~Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints General Manager, when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs (1986): "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."
~~~~~Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field! About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man said "No." Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!" The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967." "That's really sad," said Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?" "No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral!"
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