Sports Humor & Jokes

~~~~~A female's definition of "eternity":ETERNITY (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
~~~~~"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996.
~~~~~"You guys line up alphabetically by height.""You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach.
~~~~~Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
~~~~~Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, of his coach, John Jenkins (1991): "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
~~~~~Darrell Royal, Texas football coach (1966) asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?"
~~~~~Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm (1991) had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
~~~~~Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote in 1996: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."
~~~~~Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former assistant at Arizona State and Ohio State, on his 11-year-old son's reaction after he took the job with the Boilermakers (1991): "He said, 'Gosh, Dad, that means we're not going to any more bowl games."
~~~~~LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of 14 children (1986): "They can't fire me because my family buys too many tickets."
~~~~~Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints General Manager, when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs (1986): "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."
~~~~~Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field! About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man said "No." Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!" The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967." "That's really sad," said Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?" "No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral!"

Football Facts - 5 Interesting Facts About Football

The First Football League
It is generally accepted that the first officially organised league competition in the world was the (English) Football League formed in 1888. Then, it consisted of 12 clubs all of whom were based in the North and the Midlands of England. The very first winners of the Football League Championship were Preston North End.
In 1992 with the influx of megabucks from BSkyB (now called Sky TV), the top teams broke away to form their own league called the FA Premier League.
Today, the original Football League has 3 divisions called; the Championship, Division 1 and Division 2.
So that England today has a total of 4 professional football leagues, with teams moving up (promotion) or down (relegation) through the leagues depending on their points tally at the end of each season.
The First Football Association Cup (FA Cup)
The first FA Cup final was played in England in 1872 between Royal Engineers and Wanderers in front of 2,000 spectators. Wanderers ran out 1-0 winners partly because Royal Engineers -- who were the favourites -- lost a player through injury, early in the match, and had to play on with only 10 men since substitutes were not allowed then. The "Challenge Cup", as it was known originally, was the brainchild of Mr. C. W. Alcock of Sunderland who proposed only the year before that "A challenge cup should be established in connection with the Association"; the "Association" being the Football Association, hence the FA Cup.
The Oldest Football Club in the World
There have always been many arguments over the oldest football club in the world. Here are some facts to consider though...
The oldest, continuously documented, "football" club in the world is Dublin University Football Club, in the Republic of Ireland, which was founded in 1854. However, the club now plays Rugby Union, not Association Football. For this reason it is not officially recognized as the oldest football club in the world.
Sheffield Football Club -- Sheffield FC -- founded in England in 1857, is recognised by both the English FA and FIFA as being the oldest, continuously documented football club in the world still playing Association Football. They play in the Northern Premier League Division 1 South in England. So they are generally now recognised as being the oldest football club in the world.
But, there is documentation of a "football club" in Edinburgh, Scotland between 1824 and 1841. Several documents still exist today which refer to the "Foot Ball Club" and it's rules. It worked rather like a golf club where members selected teams from their membership to play one another. The club has been now been reconstituted and plays under the name of "The Foot Ball Club of Edinburgh" in an amateur capacity.
The First International Football Match
The first international football match was played between Scotland and England in Glasgow, Scotland on 30th November 1872, in front of 4,000 spectators. The result was a hard-fought 0-0 draw. And of the 110 games played between 1872 and 1999 when the fixture was disbanded, Scotland had won 41, England 45, and 24 games had ended in a draw.
The First Trainer's Dugout
The first ever recorded use of a sunken covered enclosure at the side of the pitch (the dugout) was in the early 1920s at Pittodrie Stadium, Aberdeen, Scotland. The trainer at the time, Donald Coleman, had it built to protect himself while he took detailed notes of his players during matches, as was his practice, and, was partly sunken into the ground so as not to block spectators' views of the game. Visiting teams were so impressed that the idea soon spread throughout the UK and then the rest of the world.

History Of Soccer - Interesting Facts

Soccer has become increasingly more popular in the United States in the last 30 years, with nearly 3 million children between the ages of 5-19 now playing in youth soccer leagues throughout the nation.
Soccer began in England in the mid-1800's, and was originally played by the higher, more aristocratic English classes in their boarding schools and private clubs. The ease and inexpense of the sport quickly moved it ahead as a sport for the masses however. Today soccer is ranked as one of the world's leading sports for commoners.
The London Football Association was founded and 1863 and is responsible for standardizing game rules throughout Europe. In less than 20 years, professional players and teams were hitting the field.
Soccer began to spread throughout Europe almost immediately, with Spain, Germany, Italy, and France all taking up the game b the early 20th century. As interest in the sport grew throughout the world, so did an interest in formal competition. In 1900, the first soccer game was played at the Olympics, with medals introduced just eight years later. Professional players, however, were exempt from competition in the Olympic Games for more than 80 years.
In 1904, The Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA), was formed, followed by the first World Cup international competition in 1930. A round-robin style tournament that pits teams from individual nations against each other every four years, the World Cup has grown into an international affair, with nearly 200 teams now seeking admittance. Only 24 are permitted to compete.
Although it took the United States years to enter the soccer arena on a widespread basis, the U.S. Soccer Federation (USSF) was formed in 1913. Unfortunately, most Americans preferred watching (and playing) a different form of the sport -- American football -- until a Brazilian named Pele, (considered to the greatest soccer player of all time), joined the N.Y. Cosmos team in 1975. With such an amazing player to watch in America, popularity of the sport grew throughout the states, until his retirement in 1977, when soccer once again took a backseat to football. Following Pele's retirement, the North American Soccer League slowly lost fan support, finally dissolving in 1985.
It wasn't until the men's World Cup competition, was held in the United States in 1994, that soccer interest was renewed among American youth. The Major League Soccer (MLS), was founded in 1993, and began its first season in 1996 with 10 teams and 32 regular season games. More than 3 million fans watched the playoffs that year. By 1991, women were finally allowed to play on a professional level, when the Women's World Cup competition was introduced for the first time.
The interest in youth soccer remains strong throughout the United States today. Sports teams and leagues are now available in nearly every American community. From pee-wee players who aren't even in school yet, to semi-professional high school teams, players of all interest and abilities are now hitting the soccer field for both spring and fall competition. The U.S. Youth Soccer, a division of the USSF, now includes nearly 3 million official players.